Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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