Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
