I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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