I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
