I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When did we convert life to cartoon?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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