If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
