I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
