Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
