Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
