She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
