i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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