Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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