My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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