Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
