I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
