No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
