WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
