the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize