A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
