He uses pillows to masturbate.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
