On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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