I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
