hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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