True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
