I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
