I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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