I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
