i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is wine microwaveable?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
