we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize