Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
