how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
