dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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