i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
