I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
