Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
