I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we should paint friendship bongs
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