the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
