so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
