You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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