Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
