Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
