Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
