I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
