If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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