I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
