Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
