In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
