The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
