the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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