Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
