were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
