If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize