I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
