Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize