maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
