You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
