bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
