I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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