I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
