p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize