Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
