You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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