Sponge bath it is.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
