goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
