he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
