i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
