She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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