ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
