apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
